I'll answer that question for you...MD wants a doll.

He doesn't have any "dolls" at home. He has stuffed animals, but no actual baby dolls.

I went to pick him up from daycare yesterday and he greeted me holding a small baby doll by it's neck. The daycare lady proceeded to tell me how he's very into "caring" for the baby dolls at her house. He puts them in the stroller and walks them around the room. He "burps" them and pats them on the butt. He often does this while holding them upside down by their feet, but, whatever.

I got home and told Steven the story and explained that we should get a doll for MD to have at home.

He gave me the "WTF" face.

I told him I'd do a really good job searching for the perfect BOY doll so it wouldn't be girlie and weird. After all, it's 2014. Boys like to play with baby dolls at 18 months (and beyond) and it's not because they're confused about gender (see my earlier post on gender issues).

So I started my search today, and let me just tell you, the world of "boy baby dolls" is totally fucked up. I've picked some of my favorites to share with you, including the one we decided on.

This wonderful doll is anatomically correct, or at least, it's supposed to be.

It's only actually correct if your sweet little baby boy was born lacking an actual penis and only having one ball that is shifted slightly to the left of his body. If that's the case, this is the perfect doll for you.

This same website also sells "special needs" dolls which are too controversial for me to comment on, but let's just say we won't be purchasing one.

Here's the perfect ginger doll complete with freckles. Which would be completely adorable except he looks like he's been in a horrible accident which has caused his legs to become crooked and his feet to turn in. I'm 99% sure this doll could not walk upright, which isn't that weird, I suppose, when it's been proven that Barbie would not realistically be able to either.

I'm not sure if they're supposed to be goggles or a mask. Does it really matter? No bueno either way. Also, this guy clearly is lacking a hairbrush and pants that fit him around his natural waistline. He also looks like a doll that would give a child nightmares if they woke up in the middle of the night and saw him staring at them.

Take caution if you order this doll, because you may end up getting a black market adoption real life baby in the mail. This thing looks so realistic, it's terrifying. It even has the "I'm too tired to cut my newborn's fingernails" look going on. This is also the type of doll you will see in the homes of elderly women who's own children never gave them grandchildren, so they had to spend $150 on a doll that looks real so they can feel like they've been a grandmother.

So this picture is not blurry at all on the website, but immediately when you copy/paste it becomes blurry which only tells me one thing (according to the SciFi Network). This doll is 100% haunted. It watches you while you sleep so you better not sneak out of your room in the middle of the night, because, well then the doll will have to kill you. Chucky, anyone?




You would think after all of that, I'd give up the search, but I am not easily deterred.

I found the perfect non-creepy doll for MD.

Meet the Manhattan Toy Stella Boy Doll. BINGO!!

He is not creepy, comes with sticky-uppy hair to match his new "parent", and has a magnetic binkie. The binkie is really what sold me because if all goes according to plan, and MD falls in love with this doll, then when it becomes time for MD to be too old for his binkie, his baby doll will too and they can both get rid of them together.

Everybody wins!!




XOXO
Laurel

It's been a while, I know.
But we've been going through a major crisis.
That's dramatic...it hasn't been that bad, but it's been very time consuming.

See...MD has been sick, seemingly all winter long.
It's been exhausting (for all of us).
Multiple days off of work due to illness, trips to the doctor, no answers in sight.

Remember this face?

Yeah... we're quite sure how to make that go away.
Runny noses CONSTANTLY, watery eyes, ish.

Then this happened.

No, MD didn't poop his diaper (at least no in that picture).
P.S. Why do they put the "wet indicator" stripe on the back of diapers? Like you can't tell when your child has taken a huge dump by the lingering smell of shit in the air?
Well honey, I'm not sure if our child took a shit, let's check in the indicator strip on the back of the diaper to see if it turned blue.

Anyways...the problem with this picture is...
Eczema. EVERYWHERE!!
It was like a parasite taking over poor little MD's body.
We tried EVERY CREAM IN SIGHT (I'm not joking). Nothing would clear it up.
Finally, after a horrible week at daycare with combined runny nose, runny eyes, and severe red blotches all over his legs, hands, and back we brought him into urgent care.
They gave us a RX cream for the eczema.
I immediately posted to Facebook that we had a temporary cure (hopefully) and was bombareded by warnings about not using the cream we were prescribed.
Okay, I get it. The doctor's not always going to be 100% correct, but it's not 1934 anymore.
They're not having me rub raw mercury all over my innocent child's skin. It's eczema cream at the lowest possible strength due to his age.
I appreciated the concern, but when your child is sick with a mystery illness the last thing that "helps" is hearing that your "potential cure" is harming them.

I consulted with my other doctor (my mom...which is not a medical professional in the least, but has a lot of experience with sick kids (i.e. my two brothers and I) who suggested that maybe a food allergy was the cause of the eczema & cold symptoms.

I spoke with MD's daycare lady to get a list of the most common foods he's consuming at daycare, and when she notices the eczema flare-ups.
Well, just so happens that his eczema ONLY flares up after mealtimes.
We're getting warmer...
AND he has 1 large sippy cup of milk with every meal.
Warmer....
AND the week when his symptoms hit their absolute peak he ate macaroni and cheese one of the meals, grilled cheese for another meal, and had string cheese for snacks on the other days.
BINGO!!!!

I called MD's primary care doctor to see what we should do about this suspected dairy allergy.
She asked us to take him off of dairy 100% for 1 week.
We used the prescription "poison" cream for 1 1/2 days.
We took away his dairy intake on the same day we started the "poison" cream.
In 1.5 days MD's body went from looking like he belonged at a leprosy camp to 100% normal.
NOT. A. SINGLE. SPOT. OF. ECZEMA.

We've had him off of the dairy for 3 weeks now and we haven't had a single break-out of eczema.
We've also had no instances of the runny nose, watery eyes, miserable child that we had in previous weeks. (Aside from the teething runny nose, but we aren't discussing that until this round of teething is over, because it's apparently never going to be "over".)
Which is awesome...don't get me wrong.

HOWEVER...
I never realized how much of our diet is made up of dairy products.
Winter is made up almost entirely of cream-of-whatever mixed with some sort of meat in the crock pot because who has time to cook?
Well cream-of-whatever is not going to work anymore, which means I have to put actual fucking effort into cooking, which is a totally new concept.

Lucky for me, Minnesota is renowed for being a sort of alternative-friendly area. There are tons of shops & stores dedicated to providing weird-ass food to people who either have allergies or just want to eat weird shit.
So, I went on a mission, to find dairy-free food alternatives that actually taste food and don't break the bank.
P.S. I've come to discover that that my mission above is a total "unicorn" meaning it doesn't exist except in mythology. I don't care what people who like to eat weird shit say, there is no such thing as a dairy alternative that tastes good and doesn't break the bank.

I've also noticed something seriously lacking in these alternative food stores.
Deodorant.
I'm not even a little bit kidding.
I've (so far) ventured into 3 local "health food" stores and they all seem to have a familiar scent when I reach the checkout.
You know what I'm talking about.
Chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, I know it's gross...but it's the honest to goodness truth.
Every store I've gone in so far has smelled delicious...when I first walk in.
Spices & hummus & breads galore mixing together to make you actually FEEL healthier just by being there.
And then you get to the check-out, where the actual people are.
And you're in line with people, some of whom don't just shop there because their son is allergic to dairy.
For some of them, this store is a reflection of a lifestyle.
All-natural foods.
All-natural body odor.
Chicken noodle soup.

It's okay though...I am able to look past it.
I've even found a couple items that are worth the extra money (some aren't even "expensive") that MD enjoys.
Most of them are coconut & almond based.

Did you know soy gives your kids tits?

Yeah...just learned that. Thank goodness I automatically went to Almond Milk first.
I guess soy milk is just packed to the brim with estrogen, which means that the only people who should be drinking it are probably women over the age of 50.
There's only one proven case of soy milk giving a guy a vagina, so that's at least one positive.
Moving on...

At this point we've developed a "short list" of recipes that are easy, relatively cheap, and taste good (for all of us involved). I'm not going to be the woman who starts cooking separate meals for her husband, herself, and her allergic child. Give me a break. I'm barely the woman who cooks dinner period.
In any case, I'm looking for suggestions.
Pinterest keeps givine me recipes that are dairy-free, gluten-free, fat-free, taste-free, enjoyment-free, etc. I don't need all of that shit. JUST. NO. DAIRY.

If you have any ideas, let me know.
In the meantime we'll just be eating PB&J.
Did I not mention that was on the short list?

XOXO
Laurel